silversnowfall | 74. [voice/written]

[Some say too much deep thought begets deeper problems.]

I've been thinking.

[Nephry has a piece of paper in front of her, as well as a book open to a marked page.]

Mm, I should say that reading has been making me think. Indulge me for a moment, if you will: there is a relatively small portion of our population living in this village that arrived more than three Luceti years ago. It's an easy number for me to choose, because I fall into that category as well. I don't know many of those sharing a 'cycle year' with me as personally as I might, but-

[Here she stops, taps the page of the other book, and tries a new direction. Included in her explanation is a description of the formula she mentions.]

Something I read about and didn't understand prompted a bit more research on my part. I'm interested in testing whether this...theory, I suppose, of mine happens to prove true. In another world, there is a kind of formula for determining how ready one is to accept the inevitable. I believe that, with some exceptions of course, one 'step' in this formula enacts itself in the space of one Luceti cycle year. [Then she illustrates what the heck she means by that, expanding upon a chart she found in her research.]

[A half-laugh. Actually it's quite a sad sound.] Doesn't that sound strange? And yet I remember being in complete disbelief that such things were possible, and then worrying about my friends and hating the Malnosso for what they do to us, and then wanting nothing more than to use our limited knowledge as some kind of wager for the chance to change-

And now...to a degree, I still feel all of these other things, and yet- [No. Perhaps it's best not to go into that so publicly. It's unbecoming of a governor for certain.] Well, now I'm asking the rest of you. No matter how long you have been here. Does this hold true for you?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've been here for two years, and a year before that.

I think it's natural to arrive in a state that could be called denial. To most of our worlds and experiences, a place like this is impossible. It's difficult to believe that it exists, and that this is happening.

[She personally thinks that wears off a lot quicker than a year, though. The realities are too harsh. Anger, however.... Anger, she thinks she could be mired in for a much, much longer time. There's a simmering feeling towards the Malnosso that she knows probably goes too far, but that she can't help.]

Is it so impossible? I've found that quite a few other worlds have literature that mentions the possibility of...well. Of other worlds. They come in different varieties, of course.

It's something science is only beginning to take into account in my world, and I'm sure in many others. Besides that, some of the people here would be thought of as myths or fairy tales, and nothing more.

[There are people from movies, books, all kinds of, well, fiction.]

Forgive me, but...the people living here, thought of as myths in your world? [What a terrible thing it must be to hear something like that from a stranger: "Oh, I know you from a storybook."]

[Ami's not about to say that to anyone, for obvious reasons, but well... when your boyfriend is Luke Skywalker, it's hard not to get caught up in the realization that what's only fiction in some worlds seems to be real in others.

The same could be said of her. There are worlds she and her friends exist in where there are also games and merchandise of them. The Sailor V game was how Venus was originally taught to fight.]

Well, there have been examples... I would never have been able to see in my world.

[And Nephry is realizing that her initial reaction probably crossed the line into 'over'.]

Yes, I understand, and I should know better than to disbelieve anything here the first time I hear it.

I understand what you mean. Everything you might take for granted, can change here.

[This is not always a bad thing. She's happier than she'd have thought, when she's with her friends - friends she never could have met in her world. She's able to contribute to the people around her, and that's all she's ever really asked.]

It's harder than it sounds to take nothing for granted - even waking up in your own bed in the morning.

[That, luckily, has never happened to her - but she's seen it happen or seen references to it on the journal quite a few times. She gives a quick wince of sympathy, unseen over the voice connection.]

The Malnosso have done that quite a few times, to different people. I know it could happen again. But I hope that it doesn't.

"But I hope that it doesn't" is the one thing we have, isn't it?

Yes. Even though it's hard to keep thinking that way, if we don't, the Malnosso really will win, if they can make us accept the way things are instead of trying to change them and fight back. If they can make us assume it's hopeless, it really will be.

Are the way things are so terrible? Apart from the experiments and the fighting - I mean that, without the Malnosso, wouldn't we hate it less? For those that hate it at all.

Even then, we still wouldn't be free. [That's important, more important than she ever fully realized until it was taken away from her, by the Dark Kingdom and then by Luceti.]

If we could go back, and visit here at our own will, though... I'd like to still be able to see the people I've met here.

It seems we can only deal in absolutes. Live here, with the conditions the Malnosso set for us and those we never would have met otherwise...or go home, and forget it all happened.

If that's the case, we might have to simply make our choice, and stand by it. Even if we have some regrets.

74. [voice/written]

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