silversnowfall

[69]

[It was almost a relief, to hear about so many people going home recently, even as more were due to arrive.

It was too sad to mention, knowing that one of those people was Professor Nebilim. That she wasn't really returning to anything. Just to the completion of a sad tale of a boy who thought he should be able to do everything.

And now Nephry is lonely. She has been, off and on, for a while; she feels it especially strongly today. At first she tried cleaning the kitchen but now she's sitting there, chin against her hands, staring at the table. With almost half of the house away or out of commission...things are quiet.

In the silence, she turns to her journal for a while.]

What do you believe happens...when you die?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, I can't very well force you to talk about it, if you would prefer not to. Since you began, though - I am curious.

If I would mind talking about it, I wouldn't have replied in the first place.

Very well. If you don't believe in either of those things, what do you believe?

I believe death is just that, death. You die, and then there's nothing anymore, you just don't exist anymore. There's nothing at all anymore after we die, that's what I believe.

If you will forgive a more personal question: does that make it...easier, or harder, for you to think about?

Easier.

[ By his tone it's easy to tell he doesn't mind answering the question - as if he doesn't even care. ]

It means that by then nothing matters anymore, right? Why would you care about what happens in the world after you die? You're not there anymore, after all. So you don't have to worry.

There are people I care about that I would want to...to know they were all right.

I'm glad what you believe is peaceful for you, though.

I don't really have someone like that. [ especially not now anymore. ]

So I guess that makes it even easier for me.

Does it really?

[Almost as much to herself as to him. She thinks not having anyone to care about would make it much harder.]

Of course it does. Nothing to leave behind, no regrets..

[ And judging from his tone, he's being genuine about all of this. ]

Then I envy your ability to see it that way.

It's not really an ability as much as it's just a way of thinking, right? Anyone could just switch over to thinking like this, it isn't too difficult.

Oh, but it is difficult. Changing what you believe is one of the hardest things you can put yourself through, if your belief is strong enough.

Doesn't it all just depend on your own will to change? It's only a matter of forcing yourself, after all.

[He is lucky to believe it's that easy, too. Perhaps it has been, for him.]

If you force yourself, are you really changing your mind?

... [ a pause, but then he sighs lightly. ]

I've never had to, so I wouldn't be able to tell. [ no, he's actually had to force himself before, but.. he isn't talking about that now, not just to anyone. ]

Your name. What is it?

[There's something unreadable in the pause, hm? Its existence says something.]

Nephry. May I have yours?

Natsuno. Natsuno Yuuki. Although I prefer it when people don't call me by my first name.

[Oh dear. It is not immediately apparent which of those is his first name.]

I prefer when people don't address me by my last. So that's fair.

Does it make you feel old or something?

No, I just feel it's too formal for most situations.

Sometimes it's good to keep a little distance though.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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