Appointments Post

[silversnowfall]

Have an appointment with the Governor, do you? Don't forget the date and the post type (action, voice, dance, etc.)!

Comments

[distressedude]

Thank you, Nephry.

[And that's the last message Nephry will get...]

[Until the night of the 15th. Should Nephry check her journal, she'll see that a filter had been put up once more, but the text inside had all been crossed out.]

[silversnowfall]

[Hm? All those crossed out words...what did he want to say?]

Did you need something, Ion?

[distressedude]

No
I don't kn

[The words are crossed out just enough to be legible if you squint.]

How is Anise doing?

[silversnowfall]

[Does he really want to know?]

She seems to be worried, despite reassurances that nothing happened to you.

[distressedude]

[Well, there's a reason his first attempt to ask was crossed out, after all.]

I sent her a message telling her I'm all right. I don't know if she was able to read it tonight.

[Since this was after she sent him multiple anguished ones. That goes unwritten.]

[silversnowfall]

Do you think she will believe you?

[There's so much evidence that he's not all right, after all.]

[distressedude]

[The most compelling being that he really isn't.]

I hope she does.

[silversnowfall]

[a noticeable pause]

Would you believe her?

[distressedude]

[...]

No.

I don't know what else I can do.

[silversnowfall]

What else you can do...in what way? For her?

[distressedude]

Yes. I want to fix this, but I don't know h I'm not sure I ca

[The whole thing gets scratched out after a minute or so.]

I'm the reason she's unhappy. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't.

[silversnowfall]

Why do you want to take it back? Is it not true?

[distressedude]

If knowing is only going to hurt her, I'd rather she not know.

[There's a small, "selfish" part of him that doesn't believe that. It was that small selfish part that made him tell her in the first place, and that same selfish part that's making him feel these painful emotions he's so used to just locking away.]

[It's selfish, doing something just for yourself... that's how Ion sees it. For someone usually so selfless, it's no wonder he's so conflicted.]

[silversnowfall]

[But it wasn't just for himself. The best outcome would have been a good thing for both of them, wouldn't it?]

So you would rather keep the truth to yourself, and suffer quietly, and chance that she might never know instead?

[distressedude]

If it would mean her happiness. [There's a notable hesitance between these lines. He's sure, but he's also unsure.] Yes.

[He would suffer for her happiness, but could she really be happy if she knew he was suffering?]

[silversnowfall]

I don't think you really believe that about lying to make someone happy, Ion. Particularly in your specific instance.

[distressedude]

[...]

[Nephry always knew the right thing to say. Times like these, it's easy to see who she's related to.]

[Hadn't he already learned this lesson? His very existence was, in essence, a lie to keep people happy. He wasn't the "real" Ion, after all. And he hated it. Sync had hated it too, being born under the same circumstances...]

[Wasn't that why he was so at peace with his death? Giving his life to save Tear had been a choice he made on his own, untainted by the ambitions and desires of others. To him, it was selfish, even if there isn't a person alive who would agree with that assessment.]

[Telling Anise he loved her was the same. It was something he wanted. Something he wanted to do, even knowing deep down it may very well have been something only he wanted to do. It was selfish.]

[The only difference is this time he's still here to face the repercussions of that selfishness.]


[His reply takes a rather long time to come.]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

[silversnowfall]

[Unlike her relatives, Nephry doesn't spend her well-chosen words on trying to make people feel like screwups. Most of the time she's trying to solve problems, not create more of them.

It's not selfish to tell someone you love them.

That's what she would say, if she knew Ion was having trouble with the idea that he'd done something for himself. For once.]

Well, what does it feel like you should do? If you really think about it.

[distressedude]

[The answer comes to him almost as soon as he reads what she's written. Perhaps he always knew it was the right answer but...]

I should come home.

I should. But I don't know whether or not I can handle it yet.

[silversnowfall]

That's up to you to decide. Anyone who tries to do it for you is selfish.

[No, she has no idea.]

1/2

[distressedude]

[...]

[distressedude]

[Did she catch that? His expression couldn't have been there for longer than a moment or so. In spite of himself, in spite everything surrounding this conversation... he smiles.]

You're right.

I'll decide tomorrow.

[silversnowfall]

[Luke's other friends are in the business of bringing up failures and rubbing faces in them.

Nephry is not.]

You are always welcome to try it, and decide it doesn't work, you know.

[distressedude]

[His line of thinking may be strange, but the result was the same. Perhaps it was selfish to give his life up for Tear's sake... and perhaps it was selfish to tell Anise that he loved her. But maybe being selfish wasn't a bad thing? He would certainly never regret what he did for Tear... so maybe he shouldn't regret what he said to Anise?]

[He may not know where to go from here, but at the very least, it was a step in the right direction.]

I know. [...]

Though I'm hesitant to say as much, I feel better. Better than I was earlier.

Thank you, Nephry.

[silversnowfall]

I'm glad you feel better. And you're welcome, even if I don't think I did anything at all.

[Ion did the vast majority of the thinking and understanding, didn't he?]